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Title : People-Pleasing: The Hidden Dangers of Always Being “Too Nice”
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People-Pleasing: The Hidden Dangers of Always Being “Too Nice”

by Aletheia Moon
Lone Wolf

feel the pulse of pressure in the veins. A lump rises in his throat as his colleagues who look closely. They are waiting for an answer. They are waiting for you to fulfill. Every fiber of your being wants to shout "No, I can not." But as if possessed, automatically smile sweetly and say, "Yes, I will, thank you for asking."

WTF is going on here?! Why you can not just say "no" and walk away?

If you're like me, nice people sight has been havoc in your life. It has repeatedly crushed his spirit. It has stolen the quiet, personal training and the courage to follow your goals and dreams. It hit you while you're down and dragged through the dirt. It could also have contributed to the chronic problems in your life such as anxiety disorders, depression, addiction or co-dependency.


So what is pleasing people ... and how we can cure the root cause of the problem?

16 kinds of personality habits of people-friendly

at some point or another, we've all struggled with pleasing people. After all, as social beings, who are prone to peer pressure and the desire to fit. But there is a big difference between acceptance and desire to please people. Nice people out is not only a weakness once in a while: it is a daily struggle

Here are 16 common habits.

• you struggle to say "no "
• He finds it difficult to be assertive and express their views
• you are hyper-vigilant about perception of rejection by others (always on the lookout)
• you're a emotophobe (fear negative emotions)
• you are too altruistic / philanthropic
• often suffers at the expense of doing a favor to others
• you have a weak sense of self and poor interpersonal boundaries
• becomes emotionally dependent / co-dependent, when in relationships / friendships
• you addicted to the approval of others
• you have a neurotic desire to be loved no matter what
• feeling shattered by days or weeks when someone criticizes
• has low self-esteem
• you act on what "other people think" you
• always put yourself in the shoes of others, but rarely compassion shown toward yourself
• you blindly believe in the "goodness" of other people, even if they are clearly abusive towards you
• are afraid of losing control of himself because they suppress both

is also said to please people can form a bridge to other diseases such as borderline personality disorder and social anxiety disorder.

Why be "too nice" can be dangerous

Obviously there is nothing wrong with being nice. However, having the neurotic desire to be nice is dangerous for a number of reasons. This is why:

1. A lot of emotion is deleted

Inevitably, wanting to be loved and needed by others all the time results in suppression tons of uncomfortable emotions. I'm talking about the anger, hatred, bitterness, anger, sadness and stress - all that is contrary to the altruistic image you crave portray. You may not be aware of repressing these types of emotions, but you can be sure, that comes with the job description. it can not be completely to others deny himself, and expect to feel fine and dandy in the long run.

Suppression of emotions eventually results in physical or psychological damage. Many mental and physical chronic diseases are fed by the neurotic desire to please others.

2. extreme pressure to "keep up appearances"

One of the worst nice things is constantly feels extreme pressure constantly to maintain its image of itself. It feels good to be constantly on the "good" side of people. It feels good to avoid negative feelings and get the spotlight for being a saint. But this addiction comes at a price: chronic stress. Often stress is imperceptible, but it's always there, always demanding to keep her mask tied despite could you be smothering.

3. People who use

When you're a people-pleaser the door open to abuse. Narcissists, energy vampires, thugs and other types of injuries people are drawn to you like fresh meat. Having weak limits, low self-esteem and insatiable desire to please you makes the "use and abuse" perfect destination. . And unconsciously, likes to feel needed and wanted, so unknowingly continues the toxic cycle

It's like what the famous song Eurythmics "Sweet dreams are made of this," he says, "All the world is looking for something. Some of them want to use. Some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused ... "

4. You have the intense need for control

at first, the people were nice sight might seem like a selfless act. But the nice people out is really a selfish act because you're trying to control the reaction of another person toward you to behave in a certain way.

Indeed, the nice people out is more about the desire to be in control of what is to please other people. Eager to please others is just a symptom of the desire to have control because deep down you feel helpless or worthless. This is why people are so nice view to exhausting. - Goes against the current of life, and needs a lot of effort to keep

5. No one really knows the "true" is

Keep you both locked inside for fear of being disapproved makes you very well kept. In fact, if you're a that issues such as getting drunk, people-pleaser because all the secret thoughts and opinions you have that could come to the surface. In other words, you are no longer in control of himself

When you're a people-pleaser nobody really knows the "real" and authentic. -. They know only the facade that are present Unfortunately, this desire to be loved and approved often backfires, making it feel more lonely and disconnected with the passage of time. Eventually, you end up feeling "invisible" and "not seen" even if you are constantly in the spotlight.

How to stop being a people-pleaser

of course, you may be wondering at this point, "What can I do to stop this?"

Let me tell you, there is so much bad advice out there. And the solution to overcome this addiction (because it is), is not pulling the middle finger around the world.

do not condone the approach of "fuck you" because it is immature and reactive.

instead, I recommend the wise of over-harder-but approach:

Take responsibility for your happiness
Learning to be assertive
actively feeling and acceptance of negative / painful [19459012emotions]
Learn to find the self within, not without

I linked an appropriate article for each of these four points. Click anywhere else thinks needs to work.

As someone who has struggled with a personality to please people (9 Enneagram INFJs by the way), I know what this trait can be self-destructive. Because of this need to be accepted by others, I have suffered intense periods of anxiety and chronic pain, not to mention a lot of emotions repressed for years.

But the first step to overcome this problem is to change your focal point from the outside world, the inner world. Eventually, with time and practice using the above, you will be able to say honestly and openly, "I am enough for myself" as I can now.

Any advice or tips you have about this topic are welcome below.

About Aletheia Moon

I think, which I share, teach, I mentor and I write because it's what my heart tells me to do. I do not consider myself to be perfect or complete, but I consider to determine: a warrior, traveler and ongoing healing. As you make mistakes, I feel vulnerable and fragile - but work to accept them and hope to help do the same, to claim that all powerful, transcendental deep inside. [ More ... ] [ Follow on Facebook ... ] [ Aletheia Moon Books ... ]

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