Title : 16 Tips for Drama-Free Parenting
link : 16 Tips for Drama-Free Parenting
16 Tips for Drama-Free Parenting
by Laura Markham, PhD Collaborator Family and Parenting in AllThingsHealing.comCare2.com
parents often ask me how to get along with her daughter preteen suddenly volatile. It's a shock when your sweet child before beginning to throw tantrums again. Twelve-year-old girls can be moody, over dramatic, self-centered, focused almost exclusively on friends, with your mouth closed, sullen, talking back and condescending with parents. They can, of course, be mature, caring and nice, but at their worst are a cross between the most challenging aspects of children and adolescents.
The bad news is that the development of body their preadolescent children flooded by hormones; their need to discover herself and her place in the world takes precedence over the other things that the values (like family and school work), and probably can not recognize how much he still loves and needs you because she is working hard to feel "grown up" and independent. The good news is that if you can accept this new situation and adjust their upbringing accordingly, years of interpolation are the perfect place to solidify their relationship, before it enters the teenage years time.
Tips for parenting your girl less dramatic tween, and more delicious:
1 . be willing to change No parent can be the way it did when she was little .; simply not appropriate or effective. If it gets irritable, that's a sign that you need to adjust your parenting style.
2. Focus on the relationship, not discipline. will not receive any respect if you do not feel connected to you. Fight like the dickens to be near her daughter. Do not let them push you away. She still needs you, she simply can not recognize it. Find all the opportunities to connect. Hello hug every morning, and when you see her again later in the day. Hug her goodbye when she goes to school. She may "need" not getting into the night, but that should not stop lying down beside her to talk about your day and have a couple of minutes of quiet connection. I think the time just before bedtime to be the time my daughter is less distracted by other things, and more willing to open their hearts to me.
3. It is suitable for interpolation they want more independence. If you insist on controlling all of your options, you are inviting rebellion, or worse. (I have met young people who spent their entire lives can not enforce their own desires against their parents. In the worst case, the only way out seemed to be a suicide.) If you can find the best way giving independence daughter will not have to rebel against you to start standing on their own feet. Of course you will make mistakes. This is how humans learn. Of course, she is not willing to make all your decisions. You're still the father. Decide how heavy is the hardest part of this dance parenting.
4. quality time schedule. Create a regular schedule, at least once a week, when you go to lunch together or a manicure or a ride, and take full advantage of these opportunities to connect. For ideas about conversations they have with it, check out 100 conversation starters for talks with his son . But you do not always have deep conversations. Just appreciate and enjoy it. And listen. Remember, the more you give her advice, the more you feel like you have confidence in your ability to work things out for itself. Instead, try to enjoy it, understand it, and connect.
5. Cultivate empathy for her daughter. As you listen to it, remember that the discomfort of the moment may not seem like a big deal to you, but it feels like the end of the world. Having your body begin to change so dramatically is troubling at best and at worst painful, as growing pains and menstrual cramps. This means that when over-dramatized, is what offers empathy. Toe crushed had failed to justify the fuss, but something hurts and she wants you to kiss and do it better, though not exactly sure what is bothering you and how to put it into words.
6. note that preadolescent girls often harbor great anxiety about adolescence. One study found that preadolescent children looked forward adolescence and strength, power, independence and prestige developed. preadolescent girls, on the other hand, the dreaded adolescence, menstruation, for fear of their new vulnerability to men, and the pressure of being sexy and attractive. Most girls do not know how to put these anxieties into words, but the feeling, even as they ask to wear skimpy outfits so it will be "good". Your daughter may want to be a hottie, but inside she knows full well that she is not ready for the attention it will bring.
7. Make sure your daughter is nine hours of sleep each night, as an absolute minimum. Most preteens begin to find it harder to fall asleep at night. When children stay up late, their stress hormones, like cortisol come into play, which makes it difficult to sleep. The problem is that cortisol remains in the system and makes them nervous about the next day; but also it contributes to depression, anxiety, and weight gain. The famous mood swings of teenagers is partly due to late bedtime, which have become a common practice in our culture. The fact that your child acquires the ability to stay awake, does not mean you let him stay up half the night. The fact that their preteens and teens acquire the ability to maintain the advantage does not mean it is not bad for them. Introduce your interpolation relaxation exercises if you are having trouble sleeping, they will come in handy for the rest of his life. But to insist on a reasonable schedule.
8. Limit computer use. As preadolescent girls begin to lose interest in the game of fiction and other games that took their early years, many of them begin to spend more time on the computer, and it is not unusual to fall into the clutches a computer addiction. You probably know limit computer chatting with friends, and for hours after completing the task.
The appeal of social media sites can be strong, especially if other children are in them. Facebook has a rule that users must be 13 years so you get a Facebook account when you are under 13 requires lying, which is a sufficient reason for parents to Nix. (This is one of the few times that culture will support in their upbringing, so take advantage of it.) It is a good idea to become familiar with the culture of technology to his son and his friends; you may want to start with website Vanessa Van Petten , where you can get your eBook "Secrets Dirt-E An Internet Child."
should also know that manufacturers computer games do not skimp and use of sophisticated tests to ensure that their games are physically addictive, which means that the body of her daughter is bathed by adrenaline and other neurotransmitters as you think even play their games. Computer games actually change the chemistry of our brain while we are playing, and not know how long the effects last after. Children need our help to manage this addiction.
9. Nurture passions of his daughter. Anything that really matters and can throw a protector, a place to feel competent, a place to push itself, a place to get lost when the arrows of outrageous fortune Pierce too deeply. Likes to dance? To write? To draw? Whatever it takes to cheer. It is very important that this is something that points to, of course, is not something that their parents are pushing.
10. Do not let your child become a couch potato. Regular exercise has enormous benefits , to get the metabolism moving to balance raging hormones and helping her to sleep easily at night. Make a habit of physical activity every day, whether a bike ride, football game, family walk or time on the tape. But beware: You probably have to join instead of resenting it, see it as a way to stay connected ..
11. Talking about relationships and sex. Her daughter is hungry for information about love and sex. Talking about it will not make your out and do it. In fact, the opposite is true. Children who do not have strong connections with their parents are looking for love in the wrong places. You do not want your child to be the one in the closet with the boy at the party, the one to the other children talking in the months after. The best way to prevent it is for her to understand that these scenarios happen, so you can leave any drama that is too much for her to handle.
12. Do not take anything he says or does personally. Tween and teen girls are famous for their parents feel that "just do not understand!" Try not to feel hurt by that. In fact, he does not feel hurt by anything he does or says. Most are not treated at all, but your hormones and tumultuous emotions, its enormous fears and insecurities, their urgent need to shape an identity as a separate and independent person. So just breathe through any "tantrums" and stay calm. In the time it will skyrocket, which is pushing her away.
13. Insist on civility, , but do it from as quiet a place that can gather and not react exaggerated when your child raises his voice in the midst of the hysteria about something. She will be deeply grateful, even if she can not recognize it at the time. I am not for a minute suggesting that allow your child are treated without respect. I am suggesting that works through love and connects with empathy rather than anger, as set limits. If you are too angry to stay in touch with your love, always wait until you can do before you set limits. That means you keep your own quiet and warm voice, even when it does not. This means that when it comes to backup, who kindly remind "We do not talk to each other that way in this house," but then be sure to add "You must be so upset to talk to me that way. What's going on , Sweetie? "Remember, if no model of self-control, you can not expect from it, and what is worse, if not their respect are lost.
14. Remember that children of this age have strong feelings that need help managing. If you can stay calm and listen to what's going on under his discomfort, it can be used as an opportunity to approach. One could answer it, raising his voice to you, insisting on respect with anger, but lead his daughter away. Not knowing what to do with their tumultuous feelings tweens and teens often they act toward people who feel safer with: their parents. If we are distracted by their lack of respect, or react with anger, the real message is lost. If instead of empathizing, seek unobtrusively under disrespect, and remind them of what they really are ( "It is not usually act unkindly"), create an opening to help manage their feelings.
15. No longer physically close. body preteen daughter is growing woman, but she is still her child, and she still needs physical closeness. If you are uncomfortable holding it, observe your own anxiety and find a safe place to talk about it and work out place. But do not hold your daughter touch all human beings need. You do not want your looking for love in all the wrong places.
16. correct course. There is not one parent to perfection. I found that about once a week I said exactly the worst thing my 12 years of age, and whatever that was already altered rash on the face. But since I had committed myself to calm, rather than escalating the situation, I was able to use those mistakes and misunderstandings as opportunities to approach. For 14 years, it was quieter than I am, and a delight for parents.
Recall that's like putting on your own oxygen mask first. We have to regulate our own emotions, because they have the maturity to do so. They rely on us to act like adults and emotional self-management model. If we turn away angry, however, our daughters wounded, misunderstood, they feel alienated. They attack, or resentment and mistrust accumulate. A crack appears in the relationship, and if we do not respond quickly widens. But if, instead, we can back up, breathe, apologize, pay attention, and reconnect, we can build bridges. The inevitable breaks opportunities in daily life made them teach many lessons: how to process their emotions, how to repair an emotional crack, how to solve problems, they can rely on us. Most importantly, we ended interaction with a stronger relationship.
Parenting is a lot of emotional work, and never more so than with tweens and teens. It may seem unfair that you have to do most of the work in the relationship with his daughter, but that's the way parenting is. Our daughters may resemble young women, but they have a lot of growing to do emotionally. It is our job - and our privilege -. To support them in that process
website of Dr. Marham can be found at :. http://AhaParenting.com
"16 Tips for Drama-Free Parenting", article source: riseearth.com
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